Shift Key

This morning I woke up with a sense that something had shifted in my thinking or my feelings. In the previous weeks things had gone from the hyperreal to the surreal. And today nothing felt real anymore. I had a complete distrust of my memories, my experiences. I felt insecure in their veracity. Thinking of Joel, thoughts like, did we even have that love? Did those 16 years actually happen? How can I miss your love so much if it didn't exist?

The current constraints we are living under left me feeling the same. Is what is happening today real? It's all just text online and digital images. Is this all just a figment of my imagination? It can't be real. These words are nothing. Can't you just come over for tea? I'm craving some real physical presence. All the senses. Imagination is powerful but I need relief from the conjuring and there's no end in sight yet.

So I'll just put more words out there, more images, hope they mean something, and wait for the next shift to start.

And now, a poem.

Uncertain Magic

Is it all a conjuring,
imaginations in synch?
Your name an incantation?
I don't know how to think

Will it all evaporate
in dark corners of my mind?
Before we can discover
what this old spell will find

- written March 15, 2020